Random thoughts

Well. Not what I was planning on posting next (I've been at home in the meantime, I've taken lots of photos the last months I still wanna post), but I just wanna rant a bit.

I am an indecisive person. Always have been, most likely always will be. I also like things as they are and don't like to change things, or throw stuff away. So, when my parents stayed here for a night a week ago, they took me to Ikea to buy stuff - a big wardrobe, among other things. I put that thing up rather quikly - and since then it just stands there, empty. I just can't decide what to put in there, and how to sort it and stuff. Which is even worse, as it is divided differently from the one I already own (those two are supposed to be the same model?): less shelves, and smaller shelves. If I put my fabrics in there as mom wants me too, I will waste lot of space, as I can't stack the piles as high as I would need to to fill the shelves properly without everything falling over. Plus the shelves only fill 2/3 of the wardrobes depth, so I will habe a lot of free (and thus wasted) space there as well.
Another point is, I have several boxes standing around, filled with fabrics, fabric scraps, and cosplays. I have no idea what to do with those fabrics and scraps, I don't think I will ever use them - but I can't throw them away because should I one day neet something like them, I will forever be angry with myself for having thrown them away...
I also have no idea what to do with my boxes full of cosplay stuff. I really do not need those cosplays, I will most liekly never cosplay again, and I will most definitely never wear those ones again, as they are much too small. But those were my cosplays, I made them, I made some nice memories in them, so I don't want to throw them away - but still, I do not really need them and they are cluttering my flat.

Cosplay brings me to my next problem. I don't have hobbies. I like cosplay, but I never do anything about it. I like kimono and lolita, still I don't wear or even own anything in that direction. I like horses, but I am shit at riding. I like reading, but have a hard time getting excited about any stories, be it actual published books  or just fanfiction.
I like cosplay. I love planning them, trying to figure out how to do stuff, research how to solve problems, find new techniques. But I never need anything of that, as I never work on anything. I most times like working on cosplays (or even just normal clothes). But I would never wear them, as I always feel inadequate and ugly. I definitely can't cosplay the characters I like, as 95% of those are male, and you just can't cosplay a guy with boobs my size (belive me, I tried binding, and nothing works). Leaves the odd female I like - whom I can't cosplay as I hate short skirts and trousers, close-fitting clothes, deep necklines, and generally feel fat and ugly.
I like kimono and lolita, but again, don't own any or would wear them. Or, I own one yukata - but I can't wear it, as I am too fat to fit, plus I have the worst figure one can have for wearing kimono, and additionally, I already sweat all the time without all the padding and additional layers a kimono requires. Same with lolita, I rarely find stuff I like in my size, I would sweat to death with a petticoat and stuff, and I just genereally feel too fat and ugly.
I like horses, but I am an awful rider. I have always known that I will never be a good rider, no matter how much I try. I am also impatient at times, I always feel like I have no control over how my body moves (which is so fucking important if you work with horses, i hand as well as under saddle), and if I were to name my weight, most peaple would instantly deem me too fat so go on any horse. So why do I even bother with trying and failing again? Only reason is that I love horses.
In the end, all that is left is reading. Which I used to enjoy immensely - but not anymore. I have no idea what happened, I just do not love reading anymore. I am not thrilled by clever storylines, I don't wait with baited breath what will happen. It is just another way to try and pass the time, like taking my gameboy and playing for a few minutes and then putting it away as it bores me just as much as doing nothing.

Well. Rant is over for now, even if it didn't solve anything. There aren't really any solutions to my problems, so whatever. And should anyone have read this, I am sorry you read this whole thing, there isn't any poit in or conclusion to this.

My flat

Aaand that's what happens when I say "I'm gonna do it later/tomorrow/whenever": I get busy or unmotivated or whatever, and basically never get around to doing it - and suddenly it's two weeks later... Honestly, the only reason im writing/posting now is because I'm procrastinating. I should be learning for my exams next week, but it's hot as hell (34°C) and I can't concentrate.
Well, opposed to what I promised I'm gonna leave out basically everything that happened between march and now, cause it miiiight be a little late for easter stuff? But I will post some in-between-pics sometime later. Or tomorrow. Or whenever.

Soooo. I was excited for finally leaving the hostel and moving into my own flat. And so I did! April 7th dad and me took a (kind of) huge trailer and his car and packed everything full with my stuff. Next morning we were on our way. Arriving at the flat we first did some administrative stuff (yes, one does have to sign a contract to live in a flat), and after that it was all about getting my stuff inside and setting everything up.
Empty room (seems sooo much bigger when not filled with stuff):

Somewhere around "Hey we're almost done!", Thym came around to help. So we assembled the furniture and... well. Left it at that. It was reeeeeally messy.

 But we got pizza and went to sleep more-or-less early, cause I had an appointment with a guy sent to fix my taps - at 7am! Afterwards we went out for breakfast, did a little shopping trip (I had food suddenly!), and then dad left as he had another seven hours of driving to do.

And I started sort through my stuff, putting it on the shelves or throwing it away (as my sis crammed everything in boxes without me being able to sort out beforehand). Seems orderly, but that's because all the boxes are stacked behind me:

Another big highlight for me was the balcony, which I had so many plans for - and realised none so far, because you need money for that. But I do have a few plants (though all my salad died a few days ago because of aphids), and since it's been so hot the last days, I also have a poolarea now. Which is a 1m childrens pool with a sitting space and a shading thingie, but it's great! Rest of the balcony is still bare, and only used for storage and the laundry rack.

And that's it for today, even with doing this in two parts my computer is overheating, so I#ll be in my pool again. And maybe try to learn a bit if it gets a bit cooler...

Whooops

.. long time no see!
First I was busy (easter/family), then I was busy again (moving), and then university started. And every week I told myself "I'm gonna do a quick recap on the weekend!" - and here we are now.. and it's sunday evening already!
But yeah, I'm back and going through all the photos I took the last weeks, so I'll post a few... maybe tonight. More likely tomorrow *giggles*

Weekly review 23.03.-29.03.2015

Monday, 23.03.

Weather is cold and sunny, perfect for a trip up the hills – but of course I have an exam.. Which was.. I dunno. I seriously have no idea how it went. Though knowing me I'd say I didn't pass again.

Also, yay Deutsche Bahn. Was on the train when it was announced that starting on 24^th the entire route I have to take is closed. Which means rail replacement bus service. Which is never good, as it's crammed and takes much longer. Good thing it started on tuesday, not monday - otherwise I would have had a big problem with getting to my exam on time...

Tuesday, 24.03.

There was another exam scheduled for today – but I was up half the night coughing. And tired out and sick incuding a headache there's no chance to pass the exam.

But! In the evening I called the guy from the housing corporation – and I've finally got my flat! Fiiiinally, after half a year my time a the hostel is over! Next tuesday I've got an appointment to sign my papers * dances *

Wednesday, 25.03.

With the flat finally mine, I can start planning. I've had lots of ideas over the last years, so now my brain is in overdrive xD

First plans for balcony and main room – balcony much more detailed. Logical, as in the room I have to work with the rooms measurements versus my furnitures sizes. With the balcony, eveything still has to be bought. And most of it I'll build myself. At least that's the plan for now.

Thursday, 26.03.

My „free“ days (meaning, without exams I have to go to) all seem to have not-so-nice weather...

Friday, 27.03.

Adventure time! Took four different bus routes in two days from hostel to university and back. There are so many reaaally small villages (and each one hat its own church!) and lots of empty land in eastern germany xD And there are bus stops out in nowhere – like, as far as one can see only unused grassland and a bit of forest, no signs of humans to be seen except for the road and the bus stop...

Also, I definitely need a noteboard in my flat, where I can pin bits and pieces of paper with ideas and stuff, so I remember them. And to have inspiration on what to do when I'm bored.

Saturday, 28.03.

Nothing, again. Guess I'm pretty boring xD

Sunday, 29.03.

Todays topic: Pain. My tailbone, which has been bothering me for weeks, decided to act up. Meaning, I spent the night trying to find a position where the pain subsides enough for me to sleep – and then walking a circle in my room as it was the least painful thing to do.

Spent the day still trying to find positions that hurt less. And taking a walk – which didn't really help, just moved the pains focus from my tailbone to my entire back. What a success!

But well, not being able to slep because of the pain (and pain meds not working) is a valid reason to go and visit a doctor...

Planning my flat - balcony

So. As I now "have" a flat (well, signing papers on tuesday), I can start planning what to do with it.

First big bonus of this flat is a big balcony.
Balcony screams for a sitting space and plants.
First my drawing-thingie (yes I'm so good good at art *coughs*):

Hope you are able to see what I mean... Btw, it's a view from outside onto the balcony (with some kind of 3D-effect), as a friend was confused by it. (on the bottom is some sort of view from above.)
The side without door gets a sitting area with a table. I already do have some ideas how to do it, but nothing is fixed yet.
Potted plants and some lighting on the windowsills or hanging from the frames.
The side where the door is gets some hanging pots with plants - most likely herbs or veggies or something like that (hanging strawberries?).
Also, a willow tree in the corner - simply because rather big willows are cheap and easy to get and they grow like crazy.
I'd like to add some sort of board onto the railing, so I can put plants there.
At the front of the balcony I plan to install some adjusteable hanging screens, to allow for different measures of shade.

And I think that's it so far... Any tips or ideas? It'll be my first balcony so I have no idea what I am doing xD

Weekly review 16.03. - 23.03.2015

So. I thought I might do a weekly review, so I post regularly. If I remember what happened over the week. Whoops.

Monday, 16.03.

After days of trying to find a name I started my blog. Name came to me around 4a.m. Which is never a good sign xD Putting up the blog took ages, that was muuuch easier years ago when I did my old blog...

Fell in love with smoothies again. Yummy!

Tuesday, 17.03.

No pics, no memories...

Except for the daily smoothies where I managed to get purple from pink and orange. That does not work, neither with mixing colours of light, nor colours in art o.O

Wednesday, 18.03.

Another smoothie. Pro-tip: when your smoothie is an ugly colour, throw in some (frozen) raspberries and it's gonna be pink again.

Why do I have no recollection of the last days?

Thursday, 19.03.

Going riding. First hacking out for Ponybutt to warm up, afterwards some dressage. Which was rather well. Love the new dressage... place.. thingie. Whatever. Also, he's shedding like crazy... I'll do a post to introduce him properly soon.

And in the evening I was out, eating sushi with a friend. Finally managed to, have wanted sushi for months xD

Friday, 20.03.

Did some quick apple pies, inspired by Maris recepie. Though I used my usual pie filling, had some leftover in the freezer. But the idea with puff pastry is great, much faster than pie crust. No pic though - in the two minutes I took t collect knife and plate the pies went from "brown and pretty and yummy" to "looking a little burnt on the edges".

Also, topic of the day obviously was the partial solar eclipse. Which I only the evening before realised was happening so I had no special glasses or filter for my camera.. so I only have a pic taken with the ultimate tip from the internet, using the selfie camera. As one can see, such great pic, you can really see the eclipse * coughs *

Saturday, 21.0.

Typical weather or northern germany: gray and raining. Still was out with Ponybutt, as it was my last chance before returning to university for my repeat exams. It was a real nice hack out, very relaxed with mainly walk and some tölt. When we came back, most of the gelding were sleeping <3

Possibly more important: packing my case. Neeed clothes and stuff for my one and a half weeks back at university. Decided against the big case and took my normal smaller one, which I like much more.

Sunday, 22.03.

In contrast to yesterday, weather was great. Sunshine, blue sky without clouds. And I can't visit Ponybutt, but instead have to ride the train for about six hours...

And it was a blessing I had decided on the small suitcase! As always with the Deutsche Bahn there were some problems... Like, train was five mins late already when it arrived in my town – on the wrong platform! So everyone had to go down the stairs, through the tunnel, and back up... First time I realised the small suitcase was a great idea xD But the poor woman travelling with buggy, additional small child, and huge suitcase x.x

And I like travelling by train. I could do without the delays and hurrying to get the next train (and without the other travellers *cough *), but well. But its nice to move through the landscapes with a train, as train tracks often show more than one is able to see from the motorway.

Ally

I thought I might introduce my cat.
Since I might take him with me when I have a flat, you might see more of him...

He's a guy, even though he has a girls name xD It's his own fault, really! His breeders thought he was a girl, smallest of the batch, cried the most so they called him Ally. And then the veterinarian told us he's defs a guy, but he was already used to his name - so now his name is "Herr Ally" (Mister Ally).
And regarding the "smallest of the batch": at times he had a weight of 10 kilograms - with only muscle and no fat (three people were needed to hold him down at the veterinarians at that time).
He's not a cuddly cat at most times - or as my sister likes to say "Touch him and he'll kill you. He kills people!" (which is a total lie, humans are much too impractical to transport!).

(About the pic: not mine, but I have permission to use it)